A Review of Elaine Mansfield’s Leaning into Love: A Spiritual Journey through Grief
A decade ago, I lost someone
very close to me. My Aunt Annette was not only a favorite family member; she
was a spiritual teacher who first instilled a love of myths and stories in me.
At the time of her death, her husband, a counselor and spiritual teacher in his
own right, suggested that I read Neil Donald Walsch’s Home with God: In a Life That Never Ends to help me process the
profound sense of loss I was feeling.
In the years since, I have
turned to that book many times, as I have lost other family, and some close friends
and mentors. I recommended it to those I knew who were dealing with losses of their
own.
Elaine Mansfield’s Leaning into Love, for the reasons that
I will explore in this review, is the book that I will now turn to and
recommend first in times of sickness and loss.
First, because it is so
personal. Mansfield, who was a nutritionist and personal trainer before her
husband’s two-year battle with cancer and his subsequent death, leaves nothing
out as she tells the story of their journey. Their love and commitment to each
other through decades of partnership is made all the more real and precious as
Mansfield relates the darker moments, both before and after Vic got sick. There
were times when the struggle was too much for Mansfield to handle, and she took
much needed alone time to recharge; times when she felt that Vic’s experience
of illness became the dominant story, leaving her own story of a spouse’s
experience of the illness unheard and unappreciated; and the moments where
these two very much in love individuals had a difficult time connecting. These
very human moments are often left out of discussion on grieving and loss, and
yet they are essential.
Second, because, as spiritual
and based in ritual as the book is, it holds a broader view of grief and loss
and ways to work through them than more traditionally based religious books
such as Walsch’s. Mansfield and her husband were both deeply involved with
various spiritual groups, and Vic was a scholar on Tibetan Buddhism who knew
the Dalai Lama personally, but the source material for their journey was widely
varied, from the poems of Rainer Maria Rilke to the writing of philosopher Paul
Brunton. Mansfield also writes about the healing power of journaling, painting,
working with myths, and Jungian dream work and the importance of synchronicity.
The varied array of tools she provides will offer strategies and inspiration to
any reader, no matter their own religious–philosophical background.
I was most drawn to the
emphasis on ritual and dreams. I can attest to the power to heal that ritual
provides. After my Aunt Annette passed, I wrote a memorial to her that I
published on my blog and share each year on the anniversary of her leaving us.
My wife and children and I went to the parks she loved and said prayers and
shared remembrances, and each of us had our own simple altars to her memory.
She came to each of us in dreams for awhile, before, I believe, moving on to
other realms and other concerns in her new life beyond death.
Third, Leaning into Love resonates with energy. You can feel the love
between Elaine Mansfield and her husband, Vic, and the love of their two sons
and their family and friends coming off the pages as you read. As she describes
their acreage in upstate New York, you feel like you are there, walking among
the flora and fauna with them, participating in the rituals, often tied to the
turning of the seasons, and being able to listen almost first-hand to their
hopes, dreams, arguments, and discussions. I began to experience parallels and
synchronicities in my dreams and waking life that I believe were the result of
the honesty and energy of Leaning into
Love.
I suggest watching Mansfield’s
TEDx talk (“Good grief! What I learned from loss,” available on YouTube) just
before reading the book. Her quiet, yet strong and experience-strengthened
personality and voice enhance the reading experience if you picture them as you
go.
After finishing the book, you
can continue the journey by subscribing to the author’s blog and newsletter
(elainemansfield.com). As anyone who has lost a loved one knows, the grief and
sense of loss never end, although they do morph over time. I continue to learn
from Elaine Mansfield as she walks her path of writing, lecturing, and learning
about grief and loss and how ritual can help guide us through. Losing a loved
one is perhaps the hardest of life’s hard lessons, and when the inevitable time
comes that we must face it, I cannot imagine a more moving and helpful story
than Elaine’s to help us in that time of need.
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